Foggy Brain Blogging

I know one of my pms symptoms is a foggy brain. So I must assume that is what I am experiencing right now. If I do assume this, then posting is probably not a great idea. It feels like the equivalent to drunk dialing. But I will proceed anyways…So bare with me please.

I’m laying on the couch “enjoying” these crappy pms symptoms and noticing once again that my tummy is giving me trouble. The past week or so has been tummy trouble free with the exception of one very stressful evening. I am convinced the endo contributes to probably most of my tummy troubles. But I’m beginning to wonder if the endo is the only thing contributing to my symptoms.

Is it solely the endo or is my hormonal imbalance playing a part? The hormonal imbalance was mentioned years ago but that was when they thought I had PCOS. After moving on from that diagnosis, it hasn’t been mentioned much and only treated with several unsuccessful BCP treatments.

These thoughts provoke so many questions for me…

  • Is there any way for me to know for sure which one is mostly to blame for my tummy troubles, endo or hormones?
  • If the hormones are to blame then I’m worried the hysterectomy will only relieve me of some pain and none of the other symptoms. (my gyn is leaving my ovaries)
  • Although, without a uterus and cervix, my ovaries won’t do what they do now every month, right??
  • So if that’s the case, then I won’t experience all of these symptoms?
  • But they will still work for something (the ovaries that is) which is why we are leaving them. I am not ready for menopause and I’m scared of hormone therapy.

Again, I’m not changing my mind about the surgery. Not having a period every month, along with this excruciating pain, is worth it for me. I just want to be prepared for what I may still be facing after surgery and how I should handle it. If there is something the doc can do during surgery (or not do) that would be affect that “after surgery” experience for me, I want to know.

Some days, this whole thing makes perfect sense and then days like today, I find myself feeling confused and asking tons of questions. Maybe I should just schedule the surgery and get it over with. I’m still very nervous about having surgery again but just as I did with the gallbladder removal, I keep reminding myself of the tremendous benefits and relief I will have. If I focus on the good, maybe my nerves won’t be as bad.

If you made it this far, thanks for hangin’ in there with me. In a few days I’m sure my foggy brain will feel better and this will all make sense again.

Much Love To All

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She doesn’t want me to but…

So this is an update after my doctor’s appointment today. I left with mixed emotions but overall I felt good.

This gyn says I have Endometriosis. She claims it is possible I had PCOS at one point in time but my body must have gotten itself in order because I no longer have that. After she went over my ultrasound results with me and gave me the endo diagnosis, we went over my options. 1) Depo shot 2) Mirena 3) laparoscopic procedure to confirm the endo and remove any spots she finds  4) Hysterectomy (this one she said would guarantee me relief. After she explained those to me and I asked a few questions about them all she said there was one more thing that might help. Getting pregnant. She explained now that we know what is going on she is confident she could get us pregnant. I am not as confident as she is. But I can tell she was just not ready for me to “give up” and choose option #4.

I have moved forward already. I no longer feel as though getting pregnant is the right thing for me to do. My gut says it would not work out well at all! I don’t want to feel like a quitter but I just want to finally feel better. Is that selfish of me? I want her (my gyn) to be comfortable with my decision though. She is the one who will be doing the surgery. But do I just go through the motions until she (and the rest of my friends/family) are “ready”? This is not their body. They are not the ones going through all of this.  My SIL had endometriosis also and she feels 100% better after her hysterectomy. She has also carried two children, has an adopted son and a step daughter. So her family is complete and this same gyn took no time at all scheduling her surgery. I know the doc’s hesitation comes from a good place, I really do. She is a wonderful doctor! I won’t let her opinion make my decision for me but again, I do want her to feel comfortable if I do go for the surgery. I am so very relieved that I have a diagnosis. I pray it is right one this time. It’s like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders uterus! I feel my period creeping up so I am sure that will push me even closer to the surgery. Every time I have one I tell PC, with tears rolling down my face, “why can’t they just take it all out???? I’m not using any of it anyways!!! I can’t keep going through this!”

I am terrified of surgery but I may have to just face my fears soon. If you or someone you know has had a hysterectomy, any tips or suggestions would be appreciated. I am scared as hell!

I think it’s almost over.

Much Love To All!

Ok universe, you and I need to have a little chat!

Once again my over-thinking, HSP brain is in overdrive. Just when I think I have something figured out, the universe steps in with it’s handy little fork that I swear was made just for my road.

So let me begin with an update on my latest treatment plan, the birth control pill. The bc pills were prescribed to hopefully alleviate some of my horrendous pms symptoms. I started on the lowest dose but they didn’t help at all, in fact they made my cramps and such worse! At my follow up the gyn decided maybe I needed a higher dose of hormone. It sounded like a great plan to me. Well let me fast forward through the nasty parts and just say that I ended up in the emergency room with an IV of fluids. I was treated for severe dehydration, a UTI that so far has shown ZERO symptoms and DRUG TOXICITY! Yup. I had a toxic reaction to the birth control pills. It was pretty much the worst 7 days of my life.

Today was the first day I felt almost like myself since my reaction to the pills. I am not 100% yet but compared to just 2 days ago I feel great. And today I decided I no longer want to be treated for my symptoms. I can’t afford to go to an RE anymore because just walking through the damn door is considered IF treatment and is NOT covered by my insurance. My only option was to pray that my gyn could help. We have tried to relieve my symptoms with several different treatment options and, to say the very least, nothing has helped. I am done! I am done listening to doctor’s. It is time they started listening to me. I am still confident in our decision to remain child free so give me all the information you got on a hysterectomy and sign me up!!!  I just can’t do it anymore. I.Am.Tired. What a weight off my shoulders. That decision plus the fact that I am finally feeling better made for a pretty good day. I took my mom to run her errands including her doctor’s appointment. Overall I was in a good mood.

Then on my way home I checked the mail.  I open up this large envelope and find out that PC’s work is adjusting their insurance for this year’s open enrollment and as I was reading through the material explaining the new plans I noticed a section titled “2015 UPGRADES”. The third upgrade on the list reads as follows: Infertility and bariatric treatments are now covered by all medical plans; pre-authorizations and limitations apply.<<<<<<<<

Excuse me??? Ok, I know it is hard to tell sometimes what IS a sign and what isn’t but really??? I know I have blogged about the rage I feel inside over this subject. How come a man can claim emotional distress and get Viagra covered by insurance or a woman claiming the same thing can get breast implants but I can’t even finish getting a diagnosis? My birth control pills are covered. So insurance will pay for me to prevent a pregnancy and in some states even TERMINATE one but my labs are not covered?! This subject has caused me so much stress in the past few years, I can’t even keep track of how much sleep I have lost over it. You would think this turn of events (I’m still calling it a fork in the road) would leave me ecstatic but it just pisses me off! Come on universe! Why would you wait until I have completely given up on figuring out what’s wrong with me to make figuring out what’s wrong with me possible? This has got to be a joke. What are you trying to say? Am I supposed to get a definite diagnosis? Is that HIS plan? It does make me wonder what kind of “infertility treatments” they are talking about. I mean, is it limited to all the blood work that HAS to be filed under IF or are we talking IVF kinda stuff? Now I am asking myself if these were the insurance terms a year ago would we still have chosen to remain child free? Would this coverage have changed my mind in any way? For now I will focus on the positives. I am very glad to be feeling better. PC and I are blessed to even have insurance in the first place. I feel guilty for allowing myself to get so  wrapped up in all the negative stuff that I forget to be thankful. I hope everyone had a fabulous Halloween!

~~Side Note~~ Spell check made me capitalize Viagra!!!! Ha!

Much Love To All.