Okay, now be honest, what was your first thought after reading that title?
Seriously. What went through your mind?
Whether you were happy about it or not, did you wonder if this was a pregnancy announcement?
Let me clarify that right off the bat. I am not pregnant. This is not an announcement. Not that kind of announcement anyways. Maybe a PSA of sorts though. In honor of Infertility Awareness week, I thought I would bring attention to a part of Infertility that deserves more awareness in my opinion.
If you google “how to beat infertility” the results are depressing! Well at least for me they are. Go ahead try it. No? Alrighty then, Let tell you what you will see.
- More than one full google page of websites describing “how to get pregnant”
- a few sites about natural methods of conceiving
- a couple of sites that look like blogs from families who finally conceived after _ years of ttc
- there is even a youtube video titled “how get pregnant fast”. And no that is not a typo on my part, that is the actual title of the video!
What is the all-knowing inter-web forgetting here?
How about some info, just one result would do for now, about how to beat infertility child-free!!
I mean, obviously conceiving is a FANTABULOUS slap in infertility’s cowardly face (and sincere congrats to all who have done just that!) but is that the only way to beat this thing? I just don’t believe it is. This post is not aimed towards those women who have beat infertility by conceiving. It is an attempt to remind people there ARE others ways to beat this thing. I am in the middle of the same journey many women are in even though I have chosen not to continue TTC but no one will ever say that I beat infertility. Although I understand why people see it that way. I mean, the definition of infertility is “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.” But most people just hear “can’t get pregnant”. So obviously if you are able to conceive, you won! Does that mean I will never win this battle? Once again, I am alone. I am part of a group of women that will never be recognized as strong or resilient for beating their disease. We will be known as the women who were lucky enough to survive ours. My choices may be different than most fighting IF but my feelings and emotions, and even some experiences, are still very similar. Whether I end up with a bundle of joy or not, I am heartbroken that my body is deceiving me and will likely continue to do so. My only chance of conception is a serious act of G*D or winning the lottery (aren’t those the same thing anyways?). And if that happens I will be ecstatic. But I must be prepared to live a life, a happy one, even if it doesn’t! For me, this is a must. I can’t put all my happiness on hold for a dream that may not come true. I prefer to see it differently. If that dream does come true, it will just be icing on the cake. The amazing cake that I was already enjoying even without that precious icing I longed for!
IF is the bad guy here. The monster that has invaded our bodies and changed our lives forever, in every possible way. It is not just about being unable to conceive. It’s about the sadness, the grief, anger, confusion, doctor’s appointments, blood tests, needles, lab work, anxiety, symptoms of whatever is causing your IF, announcements, questions, fertility advice and so on. Basically it is not just one monster, it is many. A large family of monsters who feed on our misery.
I could let IF bring me down. I could continue to allow my feelings to over take my every thought, like I did in the beginning. And as a HSP and an Empath, that would be so very easy for me to do! I could give in to the depression that seems to come and go as it pleases. I’m sure the monsters would just love that. I could also blame my husband. Why? Oh, nothing reasonable but isn’t the spouse the easiest person to take your anger out on? Not doing it. I could have lectured every young mom that so easily conceived and cluelessly announced it to me in front of everyone since my diagnosis. I could have flooded the walls of my facebook page with “whoa is me” posts like so many people do, even though their struggles are minor compared to what I’m feeling. The monsters would certainly jump up and down about that one. I could vow to never work with kids, and their parents, again. But I’m finishing the school I started years ago and I will go back to working in the field I belong in. Take that IF monsters!
I may not be successful at conceiving.
I may never adopt.
But I am beating infertility in my own way, the only way I know how!
So suggesting that the only way to beat infertility is to conceive….
It’s almost insulting.
Much Love To All!