Music Monday anddddddd I met a real life infertile!!!

Technically this is sad news so I apologize for using an exclamation mark, insinuating mucho excitement. But for those of us who can only relate to people that are in the “same IF boat as us” by logging into this fabulous world of bloggers we’ve discovered floating around the interweb…this is kind of exciting!

PC and I were invited to one of his co-workers house last night for an informal get together. A handful of co-workers were going to be there and a few of their wives. One wife in particular was said to be very shy and hadn’t attended any functions in the past 3 years her husband has been employed there.

Well said wife was there when PC and I showed up and it took her and I approximately 32 seconds to click! I was excited about meeting her because it is rare for the wives to be on the same schedule as our graveyard shift hubby’s. We chatted like we had known each other for years. It took several hours for us to get on the IF subject. She was explaining this diet she has been on and how successful it has been for her so far. Then she mentioned that is was even calming her periods down, which she was very happy about. Apparently this diet has caused her periods to become significantly lighter. I responded by sharing with her (bluntly and with no shame might I add….) that I have Endo and am infertile, and she immediately revealed she has PCOS and has only a 25% chance of conceiving naturally. You know those conversations we have on here that we know for sure would offend at least half of our fertile friends (only because they wouldn’t be able to relate), yeah I had one of those with a real life human being! Face to face! We shared our versions of the “what to say and not to say”, we complained about our daily reminders. Which activity is hardest for us…grocery shopping or family/friend gatherings…

I suddenly felt NOT alone! At a gathering full of fertile men and women, which is usually the kind of place that poses the most emotional struggle for me. I was sad to hear her struggles and to know what she is going through but selfishly I was holding back tears of acceptance at the same time. I found myself feeling less ashamed to admit PC and I don’t have children. I wasn’t watching over my shoulder to prepare myself in case the host’s 2 year old woke up. I realized I didn’t have to choose my words as carefully in front of her. I spoke freely. I could literally be myself. No shields (ready and waiting for someone to do or say something that isn’t going to sit well with me). My real self, even if I had a sudden “daily reminder”!!! I never did have one last night but maybe it’s because I knew I could and I wouldn’t be judged for it so I paid less attention. I wasn’t on edge waiting all.night.long. I could breath. Just for one evening out. I could breath.

I am so sorry for her pain and suffering.

I am sorry to the host’s wife whom I feel we may have ignored because of our instant connection.

I’m not sorry that I felt safe and accepted and had a great time, when I wasn’t really expecting any of those things last night.

Maybe I should start a support group in my area. I kicked the idea around before my gallbladder spazzed out on me. I think I will look into it again. I think it would take a lot of time and effort on my part but if I could help even one person feel like I felt last night, like it IS possible to feel safe, comfortable and accepted somewhere other than your own living room couch….it would be more than worth it!

I hope you all have a great week!

PS… Here is my Monday Music and for those of you that know me well…yes I already sat down and learned it on my piano. I still have to practice but I have the basics down. Why didn’t anyone tell me most songs revolve around the “Heart and Soul” chords?? Ugh!! I love music.

Much Love To All!

8 responses to “Music Monday anddddddd I met a real life infertile!!!

  1. I love your chance meeting! I suspect the other infertile enjoyed your connection just as much as you did. I do hope you find ways to cross paths with her again, as their is something to be said about a real-life connection!

  2. I mean, in the same boat as you! It takes sometime to move from these feelings. In short, I would tell you to avoid those meetings/gatherings or anything of that sort that make you feel uncomfortable, at least for sometime.

    Don’t let what you not have ruin what you have now. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? What is the security for life tomorrow? See how many are in the war zones, fleeing for their life! Shouldn’t we live happily out of what we have for today? It’s just one life we have, moments wasted are gone forever.

    Live for the moment. Work out. Try a new recipe. Go to concerts, go to beach, go for a good dinner, go for a good action flick movie, surround yourself with that positive vibe. Get back to the girl you were before all this happened. Seek your own happiness. Once you seek your own, you will come to understand that as you have your happiness, it’s their happiness to be so.

    I personally don’t prefer attending birthday parties of my friends’ kids – but prefer visiting them or inviting them to our home separately. That way, am able to spend some good time with them personally, while also getting to play with the little ones.

    That feel – everyone is fertile, not me – is just yours, you are trying to put yourself down. Just don’t allow that thought to sink you. Learn to love you. Don’t feel inferior. Don’t feel empty. I know this feeling will be overwhelming for a moment, but gradually it will start decreasing. After that, it will come and go for a while – only as much as you permit. And if you see carefully, that amount of sadness will be there in everyone’s life – just the reasons differ!

    Just get to understand this – life is not all about having kids. Get out of that rat hole thinking. Get away from those who would say so. It’s much bigger than that – an individual surrounded by adventure, thrill, people, sky, ocean, wind, nature, universe! Parenting is a FAD of recent times for humans. Most animals that give birth would take care of their infants for a while, then let them go off while living their own life after that. It’s just a selfish, natural and random phenomenon. Unlike the human FAD, no sentiments attached forever! Who knows whether they would survive or not!

    If you don’t get to live as a bird primarily adapted for land or water, it means, you are meant to fly high! Either fly high, or if you can’t, think and plan of adopting one.

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