Facebook strikes again

I just hate starting my day off like this! I log into my FB this morning and there are 2 photos, posted by madulty little cousin, of his newborn baby. I didn’t even know him and his girlfriend were expecting. Although I’m not surprised no one told me. I am pretty much the black sheep of the family these days. Every announcement makes me wonder just how many I have experienced since my diagnosis. So I did the math.

If I’m not forgetting anybody, there have been 26 announcements since my diagnosis. 26! I am not counting friends of friends or family members I have never met. I am only talking about my close family/friends. Technically there were only 25 pregnancy announcements because on of those resulted in twins… The past 5 years have been tough to say the least.

I wish this weren’t such a roller-coaster of emotions. First I feel angry, then sad, then guilty for the anger I felt earlier, then angry again for allowing myself to feel guilty and finally the sad comes back around. Full circle really…

Ironically, this is part of another HSP experience for me. Last weekend while leaving PC’s parents’ house, we crossed paths with this cousin on the road. I honked and waved at him. I saw his brake lights come on as if he were stopping to say Hi but I just kept driving. PC didn’t object but I’m sure he was wondering why we didn’t stop and chat for a minute. I just didn’t feel like it was a good idea. I am so glad I trusted my gut! I have learned that I handle these announcements much better when I am alone and have time to process it in my own way. If I had received the news in front of my cousin, he probably would have been offended by my initial reaction. Plus, PC and I had a very pleasant visit with his family for the first time in a long time and I didn’t want to end the day on any sort of negative note.

I chose not to post anything for Mother’s day this year. I was trying my hardest to focus on the positive in my life rather than the negative. It was freaking hard but overall the weekend wasn’t half bad. We visited my mom and step mom on Saturday. My birthday is usually close to or on Mother’s day so, like usual, I opened some b-day presents while my mom opened her gifts. We visited PC’s mom on Sunday. It was pretty nice. Tough still but nice. Most of his family hadn’t seen me in quite a while so there were a lot of comments on my weight loss. I didn’t feel as “great” as everyone said I looked but I tried to receive their compliments as they were meant.

Happy belated Mother’s day to all of my IF sisters out there!

And if you are still TTC…Happy belated Mothering Day!

Much Love To All!

Most times…

bubbles

It truly is a blessing! I know it’s silly but think about it for a second. Can you imagine if this happened? If our thoughts were visible to others. Oh goodness, so many people would hate me right now. Think about every time you were in your RE’s waiting room sitting next to the very preggo woman complaining about her pregnancy, or every pap smear, or what about out in public? Like those grocery store incidents, or the woman standing in the way of the corner store door, smoking a cigarette, holding on to her very preggo belly… (yes, that actually happened) Seriously, I would never leave the house. Talk about turning into America’s most wanted….lol

Not only would some of us be pretty “un-popular” among others, this could also be very embarrassing! Since reading this meme I have been thinking of all those almost embarrassing moments I have experienced in the past few years and how that incident may have turned out differently if my thoughts were visible. For example…..

The first time I had a trans-vaginal ultrasound. It was also the beginning of my gallbladder symptoms. While I was undressing and getting into position on the table, I noticed a sudden urge to pass gas. I was alone and thought about just letting one rip but then I remembered lately, this feeling usually isn’t just gas. Shortly after this realization, the tech entered the room and the ultrasound began. The whole time I was laying on that table I was thinking “Oh Lord, please help me hold this in until after the test!”, “She’s focused, maybe she wouldn’t notice if I let it out”, “Wait….what if it ISN’T just gas”, “How freaking humiliating would that be?”, “I wish I knew if this were just gas”, “I should have asked for a potty break”, “Why didn’t I ask for a POTTY BREAK FIRST?????”.

I can laugh now. It all turned out well but it wouldn’t have been if she could have seen what I was thinking. FYI, the urgency subsided and shortly after the appt I was able to finally take a potty break.

This week has been rough but tomorrow is my birthday so I figured I would post my “silly send off to the weekend” today. Tomorrow, if my symptoms allow, I will take advantage of the Valentine’s gift PC gave me this year….A massage!

I have decided if we win the lottery or stop pinching pennies the way we do, getting a regular massage is the one luxury I will allow myself for sure! It isn’t about the relaxation alone. I have a few back issues and after my first massage I was pain free for weeks!! Not days, weeks. It was incredible. I wish my insurance would cover it. I felt taller, I was so relaxed, my posture was better for a while and more.

Anyhow, if you sit down and think about your recent experiences and factor in the “visible thoughts” idea, don’t be shy…share with the class. Let me know if you can think of a specific situation that only turned out okay because your thoughts were NOT visible!

I hope you guys have a great weekend.

Much Love To All!

Silly start to the weekend.

When people find out you are struggling with infertility they can ask the silliest dancequestions. Most of the time I can sympathize with them. Maybe we are the first infertile they have ever met. That’s possible. But then there are times when you just know you can’t make excuses for their absurd questions or “advice” that comes pouring out of their mouths so freely and confidently. I may have said this before but I think we should carry around a printout of “what not to say or do” and just hand them out as soon as the subject comes up. We can just keep a handful of them in our purses or pockets so we can be prepared. Maybe I will work on that here in the near future. But if you haven’t made your own printouts or if you forgot them at home…try this!

Answer them in interpretive dance. Or song! Yeah, I think I will start using song to respond to people. May as well have fun with it. My way of cutting the tension as soon as the subject comes up….and you know, some how, some way, it will!

Be prepared ladies and gents.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Much Love To All!