This time I will not quit before I accomplish my goal! No matter what!
I didn’t think I would be in the mood to write a post this evening since I spent most of the day piecing together an essay paper for school. Yeah, I said school. It’s a sore subject for me but I am writing about it so I will be forced to take responsibility for this goal. Writing it down for you all makes it real and I need this to be real.
Stop me if you have heard this one. And by “heard this one” I mean, disregard this post if I already explained this stuff in a previous post.
Around November 2002, my bestie (I will call her Lizard) and I started online college courses. We decided to work on a degree in Early Childhood Education. Together. Our dream was to graduate with a degree and open a learning center together. Some time in the way, way future, but that was the plan.
There was one major problem with that plan.
Lizard only had 2 more months to live and we didn’t know it.
She was involved in a fatal car crash the following January. Her children were in the car but survived with minor injuries. She was killed instantly. I was shocked and devastated! College courses didn’t just go on the back burner at that time, they were thrown in the creek out back and forgotten about.
Fast forward to 2009. PC and I had reunited and even remarried. I was going through some things from the house I lived in while he and I were divorced. I came across some paperwork from the online school. I cried for hours. But I decided to give it a shot. I wanted to finally finish these courses. Then, my diagnosis came.
I was again, shocked and devastated. And again, these classes were forgotten. No longer important to me. Not because it was too hard to do without Lizard, like it was in the past. But because it was too hard to do much of anything for a while. I don’t think there is a time limit on processing a diagnosis like infertility but I figured one day I would be able to concentrate enough to get back into it.
In order for me to do that, I need a little motivation. I’m scared to get this degree because I know how sad I will be holding it in my hand knowing my Lizard isn’t here with hers. At the same time, she would be so proud of me! I just know it. She would’ve been the best support during this IF journey also. I think about her a lot. I often rely on what “Lizard would say” when I’m feeling down.
So here is my motivation. This post. I am making it real, writing it down, making a commitment, allowing myself to be held accountable. I am in my third semester of school with only one paper and one more course until I reach my fourth. I can do this and I will.
Have you started something in the past you never finished? Why did you stop?
You can finish!
Much Love To All!