“I’m sorry, WHO is in WHAT now?”

Did you notice my title was in my best Monica Geller voice? No? That’s alright. I’m not good at impressions. Anyhow, I have avoided the subject of infertility for many, many posts now. Lately, I have written about my gallbladder surgery. Today is the first day since that surgery that I have felt good. I was in the ER Sunday night and I think I have figured out another one of my health mysteries. I am confident we are on the right track now to a happier and healthier me. I woke this morning optimistic about that and feeling good. And then…

My uncle called to let me know his grand-daughter went into labor this morning! Yes, his grand-daughter! I thought I had blogged about the announcement. I even went through my posts so I could reference the situation instead of explaining it in this one but I couldn’t find it. So the short story is…

My (male) cousin, one year younger than I am, started his family early. I do not know how old he was when he had his first child but he now has 4 children. His oldest daughter whom I believe is 15 yrs old, announced she was pregnant last year. And she is now in labor.

That means my cousin, again one year younger than myself, is now a grandpa! He is a grandpa in his 30’s! And by blood, not by marriage. My step mom was a grandma  in her 30’s but that is an example of “by marriage”. She married an older man, my father, so when her 20 something year old step-daughter (my sister) gave birth, she became a grandma. Why is that better? I haven’t the slightest idea. Not even sure why I just explained all that…. Back to the topic here.

My younger cousin is a parent and today becomes a grand parent.

What a kick in the infertile crotch!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t deny the fact that this new mother’s age is a huge factor of stress for me!!! She is a freaking child! And the family is excited about this! Everyone is excited when a new baby is about to be born. Yeah I get that but is anyone actually thinking about this baby?????? No way! I do not mean to be insensitive or harsh here but this is my family so  I think I have the right speak sort of speak freely here…..What kind of life is this baby going to have???? This part of the family is made up of under educated, poverty level citizens excited about a teenager having a baby and trying to raise this child against all odds! My heart breaks for every woman out there sitting in an empty nursery just waiting for the adoption agency to call, or the fertility clinic to call with good news. My heart breaks for this teenager who has no idea what she is about to experience because the adults in her life are too busy being excited about baby to be truly helpful. I am confident no one has encouraged her to finish school, no one has talked to her about the importance of BC, and no one has the financial means to step in when she is going to need help! I know she could handle this with the right tools and support. I have seen it happen! And in that situation the “baby” is now 18 yrs old. She is responsible, smart, gorgeous and headed to college!!! So yeah, I know it is possible for a teen to raise a child. But does SHE know that? She is blind to the difficulties she is about to face. She can’t see the obstacles through the cloud of celebration. So what are her odds?

My heart breaks for baby.

Right now my heart just breaks.

My soul has tried to enjoy the break from talking about my IF. The daily reminders are still there but I had no choice but to focus on my other health issues. So I thank the universe for the break. But today I feel like the same broken-hearted girl who started this blog. Sad, confused and wondering why. Do I even have the right to be sad anymore? PC and I decided not to pursue fertility treatments. So we are not actively TTC. Maybe I don’t have the right to be sad about this. But I am.

I pray for the family. I pray for the baby. I pray for the strength to be excited about an announcement one day. I pray.

Much Love To All

4 responses to ““I’m sorry, WHO is in WHAT now?”

  1. I am so sorry you are watching a 15 year old family member have a baby! It’s situations like this that remind me that infertility is a curse and the world is cruel. I feel for you, I feel for the mom and I feel for the baby.

  2. I just stumbled along onto this great article. Your Monica is spot on! And so are your feelings.

    You do have a right to be sad. You can feel however you want, about anything you want, whenever you want. Especially about a sticky situation like this. An interfiles’ nightmare.

    Life sucks, then you die. I just try to make the best. Enjoy staying up late, or sleeping in. A cocktail. A vacation. A bubble bath. Something. Anything an infertile person can do that parents can’t!

    Just remember, you’re not alone! Much love, from Texas!

    • Thank you! Such great advice…and on good days, I can enjoy those things. Then a damn 15 year old shows me up and I feel like I’m starting all over. It’ll pass. I appreciate your kind words and support! Even better from a fellow Texan…

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