Why does it bother me?

Five months ago-ish PC and I shared with our family that we are buying a house. This is a huge step for us. Just as TTC was. Well this plan is going to turn out better than that one did and we are excited! We need this positive move in our lives. A step forward for a change since our IF journey started.

Our families know where we are in our process and they know the frustration we feel so far. We found many houses we just loved while we were getting approved and saving the down payment. Now we have everything we need but don’t love any of the available houses. So how does our family react? Just as I expected………

PC’s sister and her hubby just bought a house!

WTF??????

When…

Why…

She told me about a month ago that our (me and PC) talking about buying a home lit a fire under her hubby’s butt. They decided to figure out what they had to do to sell the one they were in and buy a new one.  And now BAM! They have a house! A beautiful 2 story home right around the corner from where they already live. They swore they would never get a 2 story due to the extra utility bills, maintenance and more. Plus, now they live in the same neighborhood as my ex- bestie. This ought to be fun!  I had no idea they were this serious and this close. They went from NO house payment to a mortgage. Not that that is a problem for them because they owned their house so they had a pretty nice down payment resulting in a fairly low mortgage payment I’m sure. Meanwhile PC and I chose to cash in a couple of stocks to get our down payment quicker, so we didn’t miss out on another fantastic house! UGH!

Why does this piss me off??? It makes my skin crawl! This is exactly how I felt after my IF diagnosis! Everyone knew we were TTC, then they knew I was diagnosed and conceiving would be difficult…then BAM!! Everyone and their dog suddenly got pregnant! No exaggeration…my friend’s dog got pregnant! One by one, all (okay I’m sure not all) the women (girls!) around me started getting pregnant! One of them has already had TWO children since my diagnosis.

I guess seeing his sister and bro-in-law buy a house just brings back all of the horrible feelings that I felt while everyone was getting pregnant around me. I felt like a failure. A huge failure! And was expected to be happy for them all. Pretending like it wasn’t killing me inside. Wishing it was US they were excited for! I know this stupid house thing is not the same as our IF journey but it feels horrible too. It’s like they stole our thunder, so to speak. We are so excited about this step in our lives. We are so proud of what we have sacrificed to get to this point.  It is taking us time to do it right and pick the perfect home and in a month his sister does it with no problem at all. No sacrifice, no struggling, no frustration…. I guess everything PC and I do in life is doomed to be a huge ball of stress and struggle while every other human in the world can do the same, easy peasy. Do they have to do it while we are struggling to do it too?????? Seriously?!? None of these people (the pregnancies, house buying) could have waited a bit?? I’m tired of feeling like my loved ones enjoy beating me to the punch!

I am well aware of how petty this all sounds. I can’t pretend this doesn’t bother me though. I am sure our family members aren’t doing these things to hurt us but it sure is starting to feel like that is the case, more and more with each incident.

Well, I am not going to focus on these feelings tonight. I have some cleaning to do before I turn in for the night. I think I will turn on some Trans-Siberian Orchestra in preparation for this weekend’s concert! That is what I will focus on for now.

Much Love To All!

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2 responses to “Why does it bother me?

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way too! For me it was just another loved one succeeding at something while I am failing at it. Since this post, my aunt suddenly decided to start a small jewelry business because she saw MY jewelry business and liked the idea. Her business is doing great and mine has stalled…Ugh.

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