My cousin posted this video this morning. It struck me. I listened to it at least 3 times in a row. I felt like they were singing to me. I thought it was beautiful. Then I realized why I needed to hear that.
About an hour later, I learned my great niece was born this morning. I hadn’t heard the news yet because I unfriended my nephew and his gf months ago from facebook. His gf was a horrible source of daily reminders. Matter of fact she never just posted once a day, so it was more than just daily reminders from her. For those of you who are not familiar with that story here is the very short version: My nephew (now 21yrs old) and his girlfriend (not even 21 yrs old) already have a son. They announced their pregnancy in the middle of my IF journey and they fit the “Why do THEY deserve a child” category perfectly. Then they announced their second pregnancy before their son was a year old, at our family Easter party, which I later found out I was the only one who didn’t know about the pregnancy before the party. That was awkward to say the least.
Anyhow, the baby is precious. I feel different about this one. Maybe it was the absence of all those reminders I no longer get thanks to unfriending. I’m not sure. Hopefully it means I am coping better these days. That would be great news.
Then I think, maybe God is helping to steady my heart. But I don’t even want to think that way because there are so many questions that would follow that thought, for me anyways. Like, why would he take the time to steady my heart? Why wouldn’t he help me with my health instead and not have to steady my heart? Why doesn’t he give the couples that don’t even want children an IF journey? Why give anyone those struggles??? Well I am still working through those questions in my heart but for now I will choose to be grateful. Grateful for the peaceful feeling after this birth. Grateful for my blessing that don’t even involve IF. If I stop complaining about my health long enough, I have PLENTY of blessings to be thankful for. I really am blessed in so many ways.
So on a different note, I plan on organizing my blog. Usually I just start writing when my heart has something to say or I read something that I feel I need to share. I haven’t been able to notice if any of you blog on a schedule but I am considering it. If you use some sort of schedule, how has it helped you? I plan on making an effort to post as many positive blogs as I do negative. This is my only place to vent but if I don’t already have a positive post in mind to balance out my negative vent, I will refrain from blogging at all. You bring about what you think about! Maybe that plan will help to KEEP my heart steady!
Much Love To All!