She doesn’t want me to but…

So this is an update after my doctor’s appointment today. I left with mixed emotions but overall I felt good.

This gyn says I have Endometriosis. She claims it is possible I had PCOS at one point in time but my body must have gotten itself in order because I no longer have that. After she went over my ultrasound results with me and gave me the endo diagnosis, we went over my options. 1) Depo shot 2) Mirena 3) laparoscopic procedure to confirm the endo and remove any spots she finds  4) Hysterectomy (this one she said would guarantee me relief. After she explained those to me and I asked a few questions about them all she said there was one more thing that might help. Getting pregnant. She explained now that we know what is going on she is confident she could get us pregnant. I am not as confident as she is. But I can tell she was just not ready for me to “give up” and choose option #4.

I have moved forward already. I no longer feel as though getting pregnant is the right thing for me to do. My gut says it would not work out well at all! I don’t want to feel like a quitter but I just want to finally feel better. Is that selfish of me? I want her (my gyn) to be comfortable with my decision though. She is the one who will be doing the surgery. But do I just go through the motions until she (and the rest of my friends/family) are “ready”? This is not their body. They are not the ones going through all of this.  My SIL had endometriosis also and she feels 100% better after her hysterectomy. She has also carried two children, has an adopted son and a step daughter. So her family is complete and this same gyn took no time at all scheduling her surgery. I know the doc’s hesitation comes from a good place, I really do. She is a wonderful doctor! I won’t let her opinion make my decision for me but again, I do want her to feel comfortable if I do go for the surgery. I am so very relieved that I have a diagnosis. I pray it is right one this time. It’s like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders uterus! I feel my period creeping up so I am sure that will push me even closer to the surgery. Every time I have one I tell PC, with tears rolling down my face, “why can’t they just take it all out???? I’m not using any of it anyways!!! I can’t keep going through this!”

I am terrified of surgery but I may have to just face my fears soon. If you or someone you know has had a hysterectomy, any tips or suggestions would be appreciated. I am scared as hell!

I think it’s almost over.

Much Love To All!

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2 responses to “She doesn’t want me to but…

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