Are you tired of your nagging spouse? Do you feel as though nothing you do will ever be good enough for him/her? Can your spouse answer yes to those questions? If so, there is a book with the answers you need! The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
PC showed me this book in 2006, the year we got back together. When I opened the book and skimmed through the pages, I could see his handwritten notes everywhere. Naturally I agreed to read it as well because it seemed very important to him. I am so glad I did! The basic idea of this book is that everyone FEELS love differently. Some people feel loved when they hear those 3 words, I love you. Some people need physical touch to feel loved. This book outlines 5 different ways people feel loved, 5 different love languages. I realized my love language is Acts of Service. Pretty self explanatory, I feel loved when PC does things for me. It could be washing the dishes when I don’t feel well, washing the car, emptying his pockets on his desk and not my kitchen counter I just cleaned while he was at work, or stopping by the store on his way home and picking up the milk. He doesn’t have to do all of those things all of the time. But when he does any of those things (especially if I haven’t asked him do them) it fills up my emotional bank account. If you are unfamiliar with the emotional bank account, click here to read a previous post of mine.
Once I took the quiz in the back and got THAT result, everything made sense! I have mentioned before that PC and I were married, got divorced and are now married again. During our first marriage I can remember one topic that was ALWAYS part of our arguements….the trash. The anger/disappointment I felt when he didn’t take the trash out for me was confusing. But why? Why was the stupid trash such a huge deal to me? Well because THAT is how I understand love!! I feel very much loved when he takes the trash out for me, or something similar. I felt especially loved when he took the trash out for me back then because I was working a full time job at the time. “How sweet of my husband to help me around the house because he knows I had a long day too. We both live in this house and work full time. If he loves me he will do his fair share rather than leaving it all for me to do.” When we argued about this it, my side of the conversation sounded something like.. “Is it because I’m the woman? Even though I work a full time job because sometimes it takes 2 incomes to survive these days, I am still responsible for ALL of the house work and such because that’s what your mom did for your dad? Well I’m not your mom!!” Can you see how far that fight can go? So we would end up arguing about the difference between men and woman, about his mom and dad, my parents, and so many things OTHER than why taking the trash out was so important to me. I didn’t know why it was so important to me but I knew how it made me feel when he didn’t do it. So that’s what we “discussed” every time.
“What one act of service has your spouse nagged about consistently? Why not decide to see the nag as a Tag? Your spouse is Tagging this as really important to him or her. If you choose to do it as an expression of love, it is worth more than a thousand roses” That is brilliant! It can be found in the chapter outlining the Acts of Service language but I feel as though it fits into all of the languages. A single red rose could be worth more than watching a thousand movies together. Or vise versa. I would rather PC wash the dishes than EVER EVER buy me roses again!! It means so much more to me than flowers. I am not encouraging husbands and wives all over the world to nag their spouses and I am in NO way justifying the typical nagging behaviour. I am just suggesting that you take a second to evaluate the situation in a new light. If you feel like your spouse nags you about something all the time it might be a good idea to figure out why what they are nagging you about is so important to them. If you are not speaking your spouse’s love language then maybe, just maybe, their nagging is actually Tagging…
If you can’t go out and buy the book or you aren’t much of a reader, you can go to 5lovelanguages.com and click on the tab at the top that says profile, then click love and you will be directed to the quiz. It can be a life changer.
Much Love To All.