The news of Robin Williams passing has me in tears. His death has been ruled a suicide as a result of his depression. This is one time I am grateful to already be aware of my hyper sensitivity. If I didn’t have this knowledge I would be very confused about why this makes me sooooo sad. It is not a surprise that some people have concerns/questions here. Is there NOTHING more that could have been done for this man? What if he was just on the wrong med? What if his wife didn’t encourage him to stick with whatever treatment his dr suggested. What if he wasn’t seeing the right doctor? I have no details about his struggles so I am in no way making accusations here.
My HSP self however, can’t stop thinking about the “what ifs” his family is probably thinking about right now. What if we could have done more? What if I had told him how much I loved him more often? What if I hadn’t left him alone? What if we had made him switch doctors? You get the point. It is hard for the survivors to make sense of this kind of tragedy. The guilt his family MIGHT be feeling makes me so sad.
After I allow the HSP part of me to feel what it needs to I am left with anger. I can relate to the “what ifs” his family might be feeling. Not because I have lost a loved one to suicide and was left with the same questions but because I already have those questions about my sister, whom although is still alive, I lost years ago. The anger I feel is not just towards her but also towards my family for not sharing these questions and concerns with me. I genuinely believe my sister needs help and no one around me will step up and help her. I do not think she would ever take her own life. As a matter of fact, I know she would NOT take her own life but her illness has caused her to tell her friends/family about a “time in her life when she almost did”. That “time” never happened but the attention and sympathy she gets from telling such a story is as important to her as oxygen! I have diagnosed her with Borderline Personality Disorder but heavens knows I am no expert. That is just my collective opinion. The point is, I have tried to help her by myself. I have called her out every time she lied, I have made her come clean to her friends in front of me, offered to take her to MY dr, offered to pay for the appts…Nothing worked. The made up stories still happened. I then turned to my family. I told as many people as I could what was going on. I brought evidence with me to disprove her claims. Yes “claimS” as in plural! In the end I feel very let down. This sister now lives in a different town, married to a new guy. I am not sure exactly what I had hoped would happen by getting the rest of the family involved but that is irrelevant because NOTHING happened. The family enables her over and over again, probably because they don’t want to lose contact with her 10 year old daughter. She has literally ZERO consequences to her horrible actions and what’s worse – she is still doing it! The lies have not stopped for one second. My niece deserves a healthy mom! Again I am not afraid of her committing suicide but there are other outcomes that would also be devastating. What happens to my niece when her new step-dad finds out the truth? Not just one truth. There are so many lies attached to this woman he would probably pack his crap and take off! What then? My niece will once again be abandoned by her only male role model and no one cares. Maybe he will never find out. My sister won’t allow anyone to get that close to them. These are the questions I am angry to be the only one worrying about. Even if someone did tell him the truth, all she has to do is bat her eyelashes, shed a few alligator tears and deny it. Who will he believe? His wife or this family member he barely knows? I can answer that because her ex husband (my niece’s father) and I have had a mini heart to heart after they split for the last time. I was asking him why he still wanted her back after all she had done. He looked confused. “What do you mean all she has done” he asked. WOW. He never felt the need to question the validity of any of her claims and she asked him to keep these things to himself, so that’s what he did. She has this all figured out. It’s been a life time of manipulation and head games. My family are pro’s at this! Ok, my new found introversion is starting to make so much sense.
Bottom line is Robin Williams was a legend in his field and will never be forgotten. I pray for his family, friends and fans. Another amazing human that will probably get more attention now than he did while alive. Final thoughts…
Poof, what do ya need. Poof, what do ya need. Poof, what do ya need?
My 1st wish: 1) I wish I could have been there to hold his hand and tell him not to give up!
My 2nd wish: 2) I wish he could have seen himself the way so many others did!.
My 3rd wish: 3) Genie, You’re free!
Much Love to all