Right at this very moment most of my husband’s family is at a birthday party. A party for our great nephew who has turned one. And we are not there. There are many factors to this situation that stick out to me like a sore thumb. And in usual anabea style I am going to list them. That is the easiest way for me to get them all out of my head. So, in no particular order…..
- PC and I never even discussed this party, not to mention whether we were going or not.
- The party was announced on FB via an event invite.
- I decided on my own we couldn’t go and messaged our niece and let her know we had other obligations for today and wouldn’t make it. Every Sunday we spend the day at my mother’s house trying to clean up her JUNGLE of a backyard. Mind you we live in Texas, the only things we do after that many hours of yard work in this heat is shower, hydrate, eat and rest!
- Our friend (who was bringing the chipper for the yard work) texted me yesterday to say he can’t help today but he can help on Monday. So we moved our yard work to Monday.
- This means we could have gone to the party after all.
- We did not go.
- I am aware that most of the family is probably upset with us for not going to yet another get together.
- I am well aware they probably blame me for PC not going without me.
- I had somewhat of an emotional breakdown last night. My face is so swollen and sore from crying I actually took some ibuprofen.
- This breakdown wasn’t because of this party at all though. I can’t pinpoint the one cause of this breakdown. I can however, blame an old episode of Grey’s Anatomy for the onset of waterworks down my face.
- PC and I had an argument last night before my emotional break. I know the argument had a little to with it. I actually believe “the reason we argued” had a lot to do with it. I am not referring to the content of the argument (stupid little stuff), I mean the reason I got upset in the first place.
- That reason is one of several things. Hormones, HSP stuff, emotional day (had my tarot cards read for the first time and it was kinda freaky) and more.
- After we resolved our argument, and I had recovered from my emotional break, I experienced more “daily reminders” that made me sad all over again!!
How the hec do I know which one of those “reasons” is the root cause of our arguments? Or is it simply a combination of them? How can I recognize it while in the moment and PREVENT the argument in the first place? We do not fight hardly ever. But I seem to get upset, hurt, or sad easily and I don’t know how to stop. I can see how my former doctors saw this as BiPolar. I was in an elevated mood last night when PC and I began chatting and it took -5 seconds for me to be upset. It was a hand/facial gesture on his part that upset me. Are you serious? His face pissed me off???? We talked through it, not understanding at all why we were arguing. He left the room, I turned on netflix, put some grey’s anatomy on and thanks to this specific episode, I realized my PCOS was probably the main culprit!! While crying through/watching Grey’s I started going through the night’s events in my head. I remembered PC saying before the argument that he was cold. I was burning up! I just turned the fan on high and didn’t think much of it. Then I glanced down at my chest and what do ya know…this nasty hormonal acne/rash looking crap! That’s when it hit me. I was having hormonal mood swings and that is why our conversation turned into an argument. Damn you PCOS!!!!! I was very grateful to have figured out why I was upset but that is when the emotional breakdown really began. PC heard me balling and came in to check on me. I poured my little heart out between sobs. I am tired of being broken. I am tired of feeling broken. I am tired of being tired. My poor PC. How much more of this can he take?
My conclusion here is that last night was a combination of hormones and my hyper sensitivity. With those two things working as a team, communication is damn near impossible for PC and I. How do HSP’s communicate well with a spouse?
My plan of action includes keeping my appt with the gyn in Sept. Knowing what I know now about HSP and with new knowledge about how to minimize side effects, I am going to start taking the Metformin again after I see the dr. I am going to try harder to start every day off by meditating. The only thing missing from my plan of action is a step to try and mend my relationships with PC’s family. I don’t know where to start with them. Do I take the time to explain things to them? The PCOS/IF will probably require less explanation than the HSP. Do I open that door and let them all in? Or do I just take the steps I need to handle them in the future? I know this post is all out of order and confusing. I am sorry for that. I encourage you all to use the suggestion box below. It’s the box wordpress refers to as “comments”.
Much Love to all!