I am the definition of confused.

My head is spinning at an unrealistic rate right now. So many thoughts, emotions, possibilities..

This HSP stuff has me stummmmpppped…

I went out and purchased about $40 worth of crystals today for my chakras. WHAT IS A CHAKRA??? I mean, I know what it is (kind of) but what do I do with these crystals? And why did I feel like I needed them if I didn’t even know what they are for or how to use them? I just don’t know.

Maybe my HSP is what “caused” my Bipolar episode years ago. If I even have Bipolar after all. I mean, what Bipolar 2 patient only has ONE manic episode in their entire life? If I’m not, why did the meds “seem” to work for so long?

Maybe I was not having any HSP signs at that time. I don’t believe I did as a child. Although I hear that is common in HSPs who had a challenging home life like mine. I wasn’t free to be myself. I didn’t have that choice. Myself was a small child. I had to be a responsible adult figure in my house. These days, my marriage is in the best shape ever and I feel safe and secure for the first time. My subconscious says: “Oh you feel safe and secure? Great, well here are all of the emotions you have been holding onto for all these years. Have fun.”   That is pretty much how my therapist put it. Is that possible?

Maybe that manic episode was just hormone related.

Maybe it was both hormones and HSP/Empath.

Am I an Empath? One website points to yes, one points to almost…(Why can’t we believe everything on the internet? I want answers.)

Maybe I am psychic. I have experienced some crazy stuff that had my friends, family and once even my boss, worried about my mental health. BUT they could not deny the facts. I was right. My predictions (unfortunately) came true. Why does that happen to me? Dreams that predict the most unfortunate of futures?? Who does THAT?

Maybe I don’t want to know if I am a psychic. I don’t want to suffer from the same problem little miss “Ghost Whisperer” had. Umm, no thanks! Wait, that would be kinda cool now that I think about it.

Maybe my mind is so interested in all of this new info because it gives me a “break” from feeling my IF related emotions every second of every day. PC and I did go to the grocery store the other day without incident. Usually I fight back tears at least once while shopping.

Maybe I’m just a weirdo.

Maybe I’m just scared. All of these “possibilities” still feel like labels to me.

Maybe I have no choice but to investigation. It might be my only chance to rule out the possibilities that do not apply to me. 

Too many maybe’s for my liking.

The bottom line is…The only fact that I have, literally in my hands, is my IF probs. Lab work, tests, no pregnancy after about 10 years of TTC..those kinds of things. Until I can prove or disprove this other stuff, I am willing to consider all possibilities.

I hope that you all can be patient with me (and my blogs). I am not aware of “blog etiquette” so feel free to let me know if I am breaking a rule by not sticking strictly to the subject I started this blog with. It will still be about that. I still have moments, like the recent movie theatre incident, that send me straight into “I have to vent this to my IF family STAT, they will understand” mode. I just might be adding unrelated posts now and then. Thank you all for your support and kindness. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go lay down, relax and put this purple rock on my forehead for a few minutes…or is it the orange one? Nope, it’s the purple one. The orange ones go on my belly…Ugh!  🙂

Much Love To All…

4 responses to “I am the definition of confused.

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