What do you gain when you lose – Part 1.5

I planned on making a sequel to my last blog “What do you gain when you lose”.  The problem is I made an exciting breakthrough yesterday and although this belongs in the list of things I have “gained”, I feel like it deserves an entire blog for several reasons.

So yesterday I was in session with my therapist and as we were talking she said something to the effect of “well that’s due to your “hypersensitive personality”…. I didn’t know the definition of that phrase so this is what I heard….

“Chill out woman. You are too sensitive. You care too much about what people think of you. You take everything everyone says way too personally. You cry too easily and your life would be a-okay of you weren’t all of these things. It’s your fault you are unhappy”

Based on the context of our conversation and what I have learned since our session, that is NOT what she meant at all. Here is a list of signs that point to hypersensitivity. Can you answer yes to any of these questions?

  • Can you hear things others sometimes can’t, especially high-pitched sounds? Or before they do?  I can’t count on one hand how many times I have turned the radio down in the car because I thought I heard sirens, while my passenger looks at me weird, and as soon I turn the radio back up and we get back to our chat, we are at a dead stop so an ambulance can pass.
  • What about smells? Do you notice them in the same way as sound or maybe they overwhelm you but your friends hardly notice the smell? Smell has always been a significant part of my life. Pleasant or unpleasant, I notice!  I know that sounds weird but it’s true. Certain smells trigger an emotion, based on an event I’m sure. But not the memory just the emotion. I can tell when one of my friend’s changes perfume/cologne.  I’m very sensitive to unpleasant smells for sure. You can’t PAY me to cook ground turkey in my house. Can’t and won’t do it.  I smell every bite of food that I put in my mouth, ESPECIALLY if it’s a new food or if I didn’t cook it myself.  My family has always made fun of me for that one…
  • Do you get “overwhelmed” with joy when you experience true beauty?  No I am not talking about Ryan Gosling. I am talking about an overwhelming joyful feeling about a beautiful experience. A sunset, a great song or musical performance,… Everyone in my life knows I would probably stop breathing without music. No joke! They say you can tell what kind of mood someone is in by the music they are listening to. That is not true at all for me. Sometimes I can download a song, listen to it 100 times and I still can’t tell you what the artist is singing about. I just haven’t paid as much attention to the words as I have that piano in the background, tone/soul in the voice, beat of the drums…etc. I can not relate at all to the song “Stay with me” by Sam Smith. But that song makes me cry every time I hear it. And sometimes it’s just the opposite. The music in the background doesn’t move me but those lyrics are so poetic and thought-provoking I can’t stop listening to it.
  • Do you know what other people need before they ask?  How often does someone jokingly ask if you are a mind reader? For me, it’s often. I am not referring to an obvious need like when a 3-year-old is dancing around holding their crotch. It doesn’t take a psychic to know they probably need to go potty.  I mean like when PC walks in the room and I remind him that he left his car keys on his computer desk and he says “How did you know that’s what I was looking for?”.
  • Do you feel uneasy or threatened in big crowds or cities?  A lot of people have a problem with crowds and while many of them have a totally different reason for their anxiety, I am sure some of them feel this way because of their hypersensitivity. For the latter, it can be the sound that comes from big crowds. Whether it be the volume or the variety of noises, it can be overwhelming. Intuition also plays a part in this one. If you suddenly get that feeling in your gut that you should step out from under the bleachers, by all means DO IT!  It could also be the smells. All of your senses are on high alert in these situations and can easily become overwhelming. For me, this one depends on the activity and location. I didn’t even notice there were other people around me while I was at the P!NK concert with my cousin. It was just me, my cousin and P!NK…      🙂
  • Do you have an “emotional” radar?    Are you the only one at the party that noticed Jane Doe get upset when her husband grabbed another beer? She didn’t say a word or  roll her eyes or even sigh out loud. Somehow you could just tell? And in some hypersensitive people they are now angry at him too. Have you walked into a room and immediately felt tension? Some people can’t!!!! I did not know this! I swear I thought this tension everyone talks about was OBVIOUS to everyone. Not just some but to everyone. So if I tie this into my life, so many things make sense now! That text from my family member I mentioned a couple of blogs ago….It was not an obvious “below the belt” comment to HIM! It sure was to me but not to him. My anger towards that situation literally disappeared when I realized this…
  • Do you have allergies, eczema or asthma? I have not always experienced any of these in an extreme way. never had asthma or eczema. I used to have severe migraines as a child and never got an answer about why. The older I get the more I react to allergens in the air but not in an extreme way. My skin has changed dramatically as well but I attributed that to age and hormones. I still wanted to mention this one because it is important to remember that stress can express itself in physical ways. These are the most common in my opinion.
  • Is a peaceful environment important to you?   Do you feel more stressed when your house is a mess? I have a hard time sleeping when my bedroom is a wreck. Personally I can handle organized and crowded. However, if it’s UNorganized and crowded, I am too uncomfy to fall asleep.
  • How often do you want to rip off your bra during the day?  I don’t mean as soon as you walk through your door at home. That could be attributed to habit. I mean while at work or running an errand. Are you counting down the minutes until you get home? This one can have another explanation for me as well. My girls are not exactly small and manageable. I believe it is impossible to create a comfy bra in my size, I have tried so many. This sign is just an example of an extreme sensitivity to touch. Maybe it’s not your bra but your tags. For me it’s my hair. I always have a rubber band around my wrist (in my purse and in my car) because I have to put my hair in a pony when the hair on my neck gets too uncomfortable but soon after doing so, my head is so uncomfortable (specifically where the pony is) I have to take it out.
  • Does the sun make you sneeze? This is another one my family has always made fun of me for. Almost every time I get out of my air-conditioned car I have the urge to sneeze. I live in the toasty state of Texas so I believe going from cold car to hot outdoors causes the urge. Either way, All I have to do is stare at the sun for 2 seconds and there ya go. This also works indoors though. I have used the fluorescent light in my kitchen to force a stubborn sneeze out.

So here is the bottom line. Anything that is absorbed by the body or psyche may cause havoc to anyone. But, to the HSP (highly sensitive person), the risk is much higher. Energies associated with touch, noise, scent, light, etc. are often too quickly or deeply absorbed. Hypersensitivity is also associated with a heightened sense of awareness and intuition. It is a gift as well as a curse but as with anything, knowing is the most important part. Once you know this is your personality, or at least consider it, you are able to “gain” some more of that wonderful perspective. I am grateful to my therapist for explaining this to me.

Much Love to all!

 

I didn’t volunteer to ride this roller coaster! Let me off!

This damn emotional roller coaster is gonna get the best of me if I’m not careful. As soon as I begin to have several consecutive “good days” someone in my life (not a stranger) comes along and throws a fork in the road, like they did today. I might be over reacting here and I kinda hope I am…

I received a text from a family member this morning. Apparently he and his wife and 3 kids went to…..LEGOLAND! That’s great. I have no problem with that. If you have followed my blog you may be familiar with my “incident” with Merlin Entertainments, the company that owns and runs Legoland Discovery Center in DFW Texas.. It is still a touchy subject for PC and I. Anyhow, the problem is how he told me about their adventure. The text he sent me was a picture of his ticket with a caption that said “jealous aren’t you”…. Are you kidding me?????? Why would you say that to me? I wasn’t this upset at first. Actually I responded by saying “LOL, We don’t have to pay to get in”. Insinuating he is the one that should be jealous because I know what he just paid for a family of 5 to get into that place. Anyhow, Maybe he forgot the end result of my little temper tantrum with that company. As a matter of fact, If they had contacted us before they went I could have gotten them into all of this company’s amusements for free! The CEO was so afraid of negative word of mouth that he told me to contact him anytime me or my family were going to visit ANY of their entertainment centers across the USA and he would make sure we got in free.

As I said, I wasn’t this upset earlier today. I was enjoying some music a few hours ago and it all of a sudden hit me. I started crying out of no where, for no reason. Then his text crossed my mind and crying turned into sobbing. Just when I think I’m going to be able to get past this sadness/bitterness/anger/sensitivity…etc, something else pops up and I feel like I’m back at square one. I don’t believe he had ill intentions when sending this text. I know him well and he was just trying to be funny/sarcastic. But how could he not realize that would be hurtful? Did he show his wife the text? Why didn’t she stop him? This seems to be a recurring theme. Why isn’t ANYONE sticking up for me? Not just in the IF category of my life but overall. This is a new emotion for me as well. I have never wanted or needed any sort of emotional  support from anyone. I give the support in my life. I stick up for the ones I love when they aren’t able to do it for themselves. Don’t I deserve the same in return? Even an attempt on their part? I feel partially responsible for this text because in front of anyone except PC, my sadness/depression LOOKS like anger. I am aware of that. Anger is and always has been my go-to emotion when I am upset. I’m sure the family only saw anger when we told them about our adventures with this company. So maybe he had no idea how hurtful my ordeal was with this company. I’m sure he thought he was just annoying me. Maybe I am just hormonal thanks to this BFF of mine PMS! She has never been kind to me.  Or maybe, just maybe…..one of my family member’s just did a very hurtful thing to me and I should say something!!! I am tired of making excuses for everyone elses bad choices. This text was a stab in the heart and I will NOT apologize for my pain.

My concern is that, for whatever reason, I am holding my tongue these days like I have never done before. I can’t explain this mysterious urge to just sit in the corner and cry it out rather than stick up for myself and confront the people that have hurt or upset me. Maybe I feel as though speaking up would not accomplish anything. Or maybe I just don’t have enough mental energy to handle others. All my energy both physical and mental, is used up in my daily attempt to just “stay above the water”. Either way, it is scaring me a little. Anyone who has known me for more than a week will tell you that I believe people should “Say what they mean and mean what they say!!!” (thank you DR.Seuss)  I guess I need to figure out if I’m going to say anything to this family member or not. It kind of sucks that I even have to make this decision. Am I going to have to be in permanent “self protection mode” for the rest of my life because others might say or do something that they don’t realize will be hurtful due to my situation? I don’t even want this damn “situation” but now it is my responsibility to educate everyone around me about the sensitivities that accompany this “situation”! If one of my loved ones had passed away, my friends and family would know THAT might be a sensitive subject for me. Or if I had lost my job, crashed my car, been evicted….they would automatically tread lightly around those subjects. Think twice about what they said or did. Why isn’t this similar? In my mind this particular text should have been an obvious BAD IDEA.

I do apologize for following up such a positive post with this negative one. I will celebrate the day I can look back at my posts and see a pattern of positive, uplifting, encouraging posts. I will do my best.

Much Love to all!

What do you gain when you lose…

hurt

I saw the above picture and it captured me. I read it several times and then just stared for a while. Has my pain just hurt me or has it changed me? Pain is inevitable. We all know that. Everyone suffers some sort of pain through out their life. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes, in every form imaginable. During this IF process I lost myself. I lost my patience, my faith in doctors, my faith in family, my dreams and so much more. What did I gain?

  1.  You are a victim of your own mind                                                    The brain is a powerful thing. Add the body and heart to it, that makes it down right unpredictable. I have allowed my brain to take over. I make things worse than they really are. I worry about things that either don’t matter in the big picture of things or that I have absolutely no control over. This is where the anxiety and panic attacks come from. Trust your gut more often. The little things I worry about…are they really that bad anyways? Women tend to worry about things verbally. Men tend to spring into some sort of action to fix a problem that hasn’t even happened yet. Either way, don’t let your brain trick you.

2. I can literally change my life at any moment.                                 Scary and exciting all at the same time. I could start a new career path, take music lessons, learn a new language, we could vacation wherever we want. I could stop allowing “toxic” people in my life, related or not!! The entire world is in our hands. I plan on taking advantage of that.

3. One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go.                        Whether it is anger, loss, betrayal, love or even guilt…We can’t seem to let go. We fight to hold on then we fight to let go.

4. Relying on “the future” for happiness is nonsense!!!!               We assume if we had that one thing or this one thing THEN we will be happy, everything will be alright. For me (and many of us here) that one thing is a baby. If you think about it though, we could still live happy lives until we get a resolution to our IF. Why do we defer our happiness? We want that thing (what ever it is) and we want it now. Then after we get it we experience that major anticlimax after the dust settles. (maybe not in our situation so much). But even for “us” can’t we try to be content with what we have while we work towards what we want??? The whole “not the destination but the journey” idea…

5. Surround yourself with differences…                                                I am not just talking about trying something new here. I mean get to know some people that obviously have different opinions as you. Get to know their side of the story. The beauty of this is you don’t have to agree with them.

6. Say what you mean…                                                                            Why beat around this famous “bush” I always hear about? Just say it!!!!!!!! You don’t have to say it rudely just honestly. Honesty is a must for me. In all relationships period. It’s actually an obsession with me but that’s a different soap opera all together. Point is….don’t listen to someone with the intent to REPLY. Listen with the intent to understand. Then your response will be productive, Who cares who “wins” the argument. If BOTH parties are not able to effectively get their point/feelings across YOU BOTH LOSE! You may have gotten the last word but you might as well write it down and save it for the next time because the problem has not been solved.

7. When someone shows you their true colors, believe them!       Not much to say about this one really. It’s kind of the same idea as “hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on ME”. Or the “no one can make you feel _______ without your permission”. That’s a good one too. I’m not sure I agree with that last one completely. I guess it depends on how you fill in the blank. My view on this though is, if someone hurts me over and over again, I am responsible for that. I have the ability to change the outcome. I can “not sweat the small stuff”, or cut the hurtful person out of my life, maybe set boundaries with them….They are not responsible for my feelings, I am!

8. Everything does NOT happen for a reason…                                  I’m sure there are many people who will disagree with me on this one. I am not saying this in a religious way though. Maybe G@D had a plan that we don’t understand. We have to accept that we may NEVER understand. So as humans in the flesh…..sometimes there is no reason. I feel like I have no other choice but to believe this one to be true. I had a very challenging childhood and an even more challenging transition into adulthood. I have still to this day been to more funerals than weddings, and I married my husband twice! I have seen tragedies unfold right before my eyes. In life in general, I like to know all the “whys”. If I don’t allow myself to put some of these life challenges in the “I don’t know” folder, I will spend my entire life asking why. Why did she have to die? Why was this person so hurtful? Why can’t I have children? There just isn’t a reason sometimes….

9. Apologies are for you, not them                                                        If you feel sorry then apologize. This does not guarantee forgiveness from the other person. That is their choice. Getting the other person to forgive you is not the purpose. Forgiving yourself is! You can not move on until you do. It works both ways as well. Just because someone apologizes does not mean you are obligated to forgive them. In addition, if you do forgive them, that doesn’t mean you are willing to put yourself in the position where this wrongdoing could occur again!

10.  Always believe in yourself                                                                  Whether you think you can or you think you can’t…You’re probably right!  “A bird sitting in a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because her trust is not in the branch but in her own wings”. 

I gained perspective. A new perspective on many things… including pain. I gained the opportunity to turn my pain into change.  A good kind of change.  They say the definition of “insanity” is to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I have the power to do something different and perhaps get a different result.  Recognize the difference between the pain that hurts you and the pain that changes you and you will gain when you lose too!

Much Love ladies and gents…

If you need a GOOD laugh, here ya go…

The original writer of this story and it’s validity are unknown. It is an internet gem that is meant to be shared. . HOWEVER, IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE READ WHILE CONSUMING A BEVERAGE!!! TRUST ME

 

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: ‘Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.’

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those ‘cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No mess, no fuss.

How hard can it be?

I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (‘Cold wax,’ yeah…right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works!

OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north after checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) ..

I inhale deeply and brace myself…RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!….OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP!

Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe, breathe…OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There’s no hair on it.

Where is the hair???

WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…it’s not! I touch. .. I am touching wax!!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake…remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!’

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!

I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub…in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good conversation starter ‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!’

There is a slight pause.

She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, ‘Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?’

She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and … OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

Its sooo painful, but I really don’t care.

‘IT WORKS!!

It works!!’ I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair…?

THE HAIR IS STILL HERE…….ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off.

Heck, I’m numb by now.

Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I’m going to try hair color……

Now share this one and give your friends a good laugh!

 

You’re welcome.

Much Love to all!