If you have read a few of my blogs you have seen me mention bipolar a lot. I was diagnosed Bipolar 2 in 2005. Apparently that is the less severe form of it. I don’t believe in my heart that is what I have but here is a little back story explaining how this diagnosis happened.
Around 2005 I had what some consider to be a nervous breakdown. I pretty much changed everything in my life very suddenly except the car I drove. I divorced my hubby, quit my job, moved in with a women whom I had a relationship with for almost a year. All I knew was I wasn’t happy and had to do something about it. My mood swings were out of control. I knew I was hurting my loved ones, especially my hubby, so I had to get out of there. There meaning my current life. I couldn’t put my hubs thru my mental outbursts any longer and thought he would be better off without me. After the smoke cleared-so to speak-I knew I was not doing the right thing but it somehow felt like the right thing at the time. I was so emotional and overwhelmed after divorcing the hubs and moving in with this girl, I lost 32 ponds in 2 weeks. Couldn’t hold anything down. I was happy with my girlfriend. She was amazing but deep down I knew this was not the answer. Everyone just told me I was going thru a phase (being in this lesbian relationship) and it wouldn’t last but oh let me tell ya this was no phase! I loved her very much. Not in the same way I love PC tho. I never got over him while we were divorced. My family is very open-minded and couldn’t care less who I was in a relationship with as long as it was a healthy one. I have several gay friends and love them all dearly. The prob was I had never really found myself attracted to women so it was kind of strange for me. I even picked up drinking, this was never my thing (then again neither was dating women). And when I say picked up I mean, I would have bathed in it if I could have. Now, I do believe my childhood played a part in my sudden changes. Part of me just needed a break. But in hind sight, I am not so sure about that!
Anyone suffer from PMDD?? I have researched this and boy do I fit that mold. EVERY single one of the symptoms are the exact symptoms that were considered to diagnose me with bp. I took this little online test and I got 99 out of 100! Now I know you can’t trust or believe everything you see online but I got my info from sites I have visited several times. From what I can tell by talking with my dr most of the info I have gathered has been accurate. In addition, I realized the other night that my horrible symptoms I was suddenly experiencing which led to my emotional breakdown, started shortly after I stopped taking the bc pill. Now I can’t believe I never figured that one out. My symptoms were out of control and I had no explanation. I am not completely sure how or why getting off the pill affected me the way it did -if that was the cause of my craziness – but I plan on finding out real soon!!
So I have an appt with the last dr who gave me meds for bipolar 3 months ago. I had stopped taking my bipolar meds about 2 years ago, I’m not even sure why. And until kind of recently I was functioning pretty well for the most part. But my mood swings came back and usually it was extreme anger. I mean you would have thought PC had cheated on me or something by the way I acted when he forgot to take the trash out. For the record he has never and would never do that! 😦 Well I went to this new dr and he prescribed me a very different medication than I was taking a few years ago. He said the best way to tell if I actually did suffer from bp was to take the meds and if they worked that’s what it was. The problem is I have always felt like bipolar was not the right diagnosis for me. I thought the last medication I was on for it did help but now I feel like there could be another explanation as to why I was doing so well for so many years. I plan on sharing my concerns with this dr at tomorrows appt and I hope he listens well. I am going to make sure I tell him about the effect I believe the bc pill had. I will keep you all updated as soon as I get some answers. In the mean time, if anyone has anything they could add that would be helpful, please feel free. I need all the info I can get right now. Please and thank you!