For pete’s sake, I need a damn answer soon!

If you have read a few of my blogs you have seen me mention bipolar a lot. I was diagnosed Bipolar 2 in 2005. Apparently that is the less severe form of it. I don’t believe in my heart that is what I have but here is a little back story explaining how this diagnosis happened.

Around 2005 I had what some consider to be a nervous breakdown. I pretty much changed everything in my life very suddenly except the car I drove. I divorced my hubby, quit my job, moved in with a women whom I had a relationship with for almost a year. All I knew was I wasn’t happy and had to do something about it. My mood swings were out of control. I knew I was hurting my loved ones, especially my hubby, so I had to get out of there. There meaning my current life. I couldn’t put my hubs thru my mental outbursts any longer and thought he would be better off without me. After the smoke cleared-so to speak-I knew I was not doing the right thing but it somehow felt like the right thing at the time. I was so emotional and overwhelmed after divorcing the hubs and moving in with this girl, I lost 32 ponds in 2 weeks. Couldn’t hold anything down. I was happy with my girlfriend. She was amazing but deep down I knew this was not the answer. Everyone just told me I was going thru a phase (being in this lesbian relationship) and it wouldn’t last but oh let me tell ya this was no phase! I loved her very much. Not in the same way I love PC tho. I never got over him while we were divorced. My family is very open-minded and couldn’t care less who I was in a relationship with as long as it was a healthy one. I have several gay friends and love them all dearly. The prob was I had never really found myself attracted to women so it was kind of strange for me.  I even picked up drinking, this was never my thing (then again neither was dating women). And when I say picked up I mean, I would have bathed in it if I could have. Now, I do believe my childhood played a part in my sudden changes. Part of me just needed a break. But in hind sight, I am not so sure about that! 

Anyone suffer from PMDD?? I have researched this and boy do I fit that mold. EVERY single one of the symptoms are the exact symptoms that were considered to diagnose me with bp. I took this little online test and I got 99 out of 100! Now I know you can’t trust or believe everything you see online but I got my info from sites I have visited several times. From what I can tell by talking with my dr most of the info I have gathered has been accurate. In addition,  I realized the other night that my horrible symptoms I was suddenly experiencing which led to my emotional breakdown, started shortly after I stopped taking the bc pill. Now I can’t believe I never figured that one out. My symptoms were out of control and I had no explanation. I am not completely sure how or why getting off the pill affected me the way it did -if that was the cause of my craziness – but I plan on finding out real soon!!

So I have an appt with the last dr who gave me meds for bipolar 3 months ago. I had stopped taking my bipolar meds about 2 years ago, I’m not even sure why. And until kind of recently I was functioning pretty well for the most part. But my mood swings came back and usually it was extreme anger. I mean you would have thought PC had cheated on me or something by the way I acted when he forgot to take the trash out. For the record he has never and would never do that! 😦 Well I went to this new dr and he prescribed me a very different medication than I was taking a few years ago. He said the best way to tell if I actually did suffer from bp was to take the meds and if they worked that’s what it was. The problem is I have always felt like bipolar was not the right diagnosis for me. I thought the last medication I was on for it did help but now I feel like there could be another explanation as to why I was doing so well for so many years. I plan on sharing my concerns with this dr at tomorrows appt and I hope he listens well. I am going to make sure I tell him about the effect I believe the bc pill had. I will keep you all updated as soon as I get some answers. In the mean time, if anyone has anything they could add that would be helpful, please feel free. I need all the info I can get right now.  Please and thank you!


2 responses to “For pete’s sake, I need a damn answer soon!

  1. I couldn’t remember what PMDD was so I had to look it up! Premenstraul Dysphoric Disorder. My next thought was “how the heck could they get that mixed up with bipolar?” So I did a google search for bipolar vs. PMDD. Wow, looks like you are not alone!! The first article that came up talked about how often PMDD is misdiagnosed as bipolar. Maybe if you bring a copy of the best of these articles with you to your appointment the doctor will be more willing to listen. Good luck!!

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