Check yes or no.

Well it looks like I’m in somewhat of a darn pickle here. Let me start at the beginning…

PC and I have this friend we have known for about 8 years. He is a great guy. Him and I got along well because he is also bi-polar so we always had something to talk about. He always knew if he needed someone to talk to he could call me and I would not only understand but I could be a great set of ears. So fast forward to the end of 2012. He met a girl, married her and had a baby. Once they started getting serious we saw less of him than usual. We were happy for him. Now let me say, he knows about our infertility issues. He is one of our few friends that knows about it but it’s not something we sat down and talked about in detail. Needless to say he was hesitant to announce their pregnancy. The baby was very premature so we didn’t get to meet her until just a few months ago. He called me and invited PC and I over for a little get together at their house. Turns out they live right down the road from us. I told him we would love to come over and meet wife and baby.  This is when he told me him and his wife wanted to talk to me, privately, before the party started. Turns out they want me to consider being their NANNY!!   He knew I would be honored. And I was really… But…. REALLY????

My heart is torn. His wife doesn’t know me at all. She is just trusting what he has told her.And I’m assuming it’s been all good things because she didn’t look too concerned about this decision at all. She asked me a few questions and I answered. They told me I have plenty of time to decided because she has extensive maternity leave. They wouldn’t need me until around April. I have been thinking about this for a few months and I just can’t decide. I’m thinking a pro’s/con’s list will be helpful so here it is…

PRO’S

  • Easy easy money. I mean REALLY easy. Babies aren’t a challenge for me. I could take great care of this little one with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. Lol. Could use the extra cash.
  • Hours would be 8am – 4pm Mon-Fri. No weekends is a good thing.
  • I miss being around babies. I really miss it!
  • This would be more experience with a preemie. Love learning!!
  • I love babies! A lot!
  • I would be helping a dear friend. It would be a pleasure.
  • I am sooo very honored this friend thinks so highly of my child care skills. I was their first choice even over family.
  • Mommy might be willing to drop the baby off at my place every morning.  I am NOT a “wake up to an alarm clock, get up, dressed, hair, makeup, punctual” kinda gal.  This is a pretty important “pro” and should probably be closer to the top of this list.
  • Her job is very close to my home and hers as well.

CON’S

  • I don’t want the daily reminder of my infertility.
  • I don’t want to commit to something I might have to back out of.
  • I’m not sure how long they would want me to be the nanny. This kind of job usually lasts years.
  • I’m not sure if she has a backup plan for the days I might be sick, have an appt…etc.
  • What if mommy decides at some point she would rather me care for the baby at their place? I don’t want mommy to be late to work and get in trouble.  See Pro above on “not a morning person”. She would be later on a regular basis I promise!
  • I don’t want PC to suffer when baby becomes more verbal.. (From what I could tell she is a very quiet munchkin these days) He works nights and I would have her during the day while he is trying to sleep.
  • We live in a one bedroom apartment. See above “con”…
  • I would be taking some quality time away from PC and I. He has Mondays off. Our “weekends” begin Sat night (when he wakes up) and end early Tues morning. He has to sleep during the day on Tuesday so he can get up and go to work Tuesday night.
  • I don’t know how this will affect PC. He says he wants this to be my decision but I don’t think he realizes how he might begin to feel. I want to be respectful of HIS infertility feelings and reminders.

Okay so I thought writing it all down and thinking about it in detail again would help me decide. I’m glad I have time to figure this out because I don’t think this has helped me decide. What to do…What to do….

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8 responses to “Check yes or no.

  1. wow – hat’s off to you for even CONSIDERING this. I couldn’t do it – honestly, at this point I have almost no social life because I just can’t deal with everyone else’s obvious fecundity in light of our IF issues. I can’t imagine dealing with someone else’s baby at this point. SO way too hard. But kudos to you for not just having a fair list of pros and cons but seriously thinking about doing it.

    • Thank you so much! It is a hard decision for me. I think I have decided not to take the job. Of course now I am left wondering why that decision makes me so sad… 😦

      • Aww, I’m sorry that you’re sad 😦 HUGS!! I think the problem with these types of situations is because it puts you between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, the constant reminder – never more palpable than in this kind of arrangement – of our own struggles to conceive. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like any baby to touch, hold, smile at, is like a band-aid – and not having that makes everything feel so much worse. I wish I had some wise advice to share – all I can say is that, personally, I couldn’t do it. I’ve had moments where women have complained to me about an unplanned pregnancy and it took all I had in me to stop myself from saying that I’d be more than happy to take the unplanned child off their hands! It’s really a horrible, god-awful situation to be in…

        • Thanks for the hugs! Right back atcha… I agree with the rock and hard place, actually I believe this might be the definition of that kind of situation. I am working on my next blog at the moment and writing down how I feel about this decision helps. I appreciate your kind words. I seem to tear up on a regular basis when I get a comment on a blog. First, I’m sad there are other women going thru the same kind of hell. Second, because before this blog I literally had NO ONE who truly understands this. My hubby is a great support but he has his own feelings about this IF stuff so I try to minimize my tears around him when it’s possible. One day at a time friend, one day at a time…

          • This really breaks my heart – and I so, so understand where you’re coming from. Feeling like no one understands, and trying to put on a brave face for your husband – I’m right there with you. I keep hoping that I’ll find a way to accept this situation and can come to terms with the worst case scenario, but every time I think about it I feel like I’m never going to stop crying. It’s so disheartening because so many of us have no support system to help us, and then for most of us the exorbitant cost of ANY family building options that end up with a baby make it even harder. 😦

            • Ditto! I’m so thankful for this community! We got this!!! We will get through this and land on top in the end. We have to believe that. Not believing it is torture and no one deserves that kind of torture!

            • I totally agree. I keep trying to remind myself how many women have been in my shoes and went on to have healthy babies. Sometimes it’s just hard not to freak out because the stakes are so high…

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