Music is what feelings sound like!

I encourage you to read the lyrics before you listen or while you listen to the song…

I guess it’s funnier from where you’re standing
Cause from over here I missed the joke
Clear the way for my crash landing
I’ve done it again
Another number for your notes

I’d be smiling if I wasn’t so desperate
I’d be patient if I had the time
I could stop and answer all of your questions
As soon as I find out 
How I can move from the back of the line

[Chorus:]
I’ll be your clown
Behind the glass
Go ‘head and laugh
Cause it’s funny
I would too if I saw me
I’ll be your clown
On your favourite channel
My life’s a circus circus
Round in circles
I’m selling out tonight

I’d be less angry if it was my decision
And the money was just rolling in
If I had more than my ambition
I’ll have time for ‘Please’
I’ll have time for ‘Thank you’
As soon as I win

[Chorus]

From a distance my choice is simple
From a distance I can entertain
So you can see me
I put make-up on my face
But there’s no way you can feel it
From so far away

[Chorus]

 

MUSIC IS WHAT FEELINGS SOUND LIKE!

There have always been a  few things in my life I am truly passionate about. Children is one of them and equally as important to me is music! I have always loved music. My mom tells me I could sing a full song off the radio before I would speak a sentence. Singing, playing the piano and turning up my boombox (lol) have always been my escape from reality. My taste in music is just as bi-polar as I am. All genres have a great selection in my opinion. The song I added to this post is called “Clown” by Emeli Sande. She is an amazing vocalist. This song explains how she felt when she was getting started in the “biz”. Obviously I can not relate to that story and not every word fits into my current situation but the first time I heard this song, I started crying from the first verse. 

The chorus strikes me. “I’ll be your clown behind the glass”. Absolutely! I feel that way. Like I’m some sort of freak show (damaged goods as I refer to myself) and I’m behind this sheet of glass and no one can get thru to save me.  There is this separation I can not easily explain. But that separation is so fragile, like the glass,  I’m scared to move. I can’t afford anymore cracks. I just can’t afford that! I am standing here like a child in front of my bedroom window during a storm. My hands and forehead pressed up against the glass, tears rolling down my face. Even tho the glass is fragile it protects me somehow.  I have to stay in.because “out there” is where all the reminders are. The pregnant women, the beautiful babies in line at the store, the school busses, the baby on board decals…I’m safe inside, on this side of the glass. Where I have some sort of control over the things I see or hear, over the pain. Free to cry whenever that emotion hits me sometimes for no reason at all. But then the glass starts to rattle from the wind and storm and I realize I’m not completely safe in here either.  I have to venture out into the world and socialize. They can see the make-up on my face. In my attempt to hide the tears and desperation. From a distance I look fine. I smile and mingle like they want me to. Like I used to do. Like their puppet. From a distance I can even entertain, I’m the life of the party in fact. I know they can SEE it ( the elephant in the room ) the pain and yearning to escape my depressing situation for a little while. But in the back of my mind and in the pit of my gut I know (even tho they are right in front of me) there’s no way they can FEEL it from so far away. That feeling of separation, of my terrible acting skills trying to avoid this damn elephant…that is the glass! The glass I was trying to escape from. It followed me from home. Now I understand it all! For now…

I AM THE CLOWN BEHIND THE GLASS!

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2 responses to “Music is what feelings sound like!

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