Anti-social much?

New Years is usually a time for reflection. I am choosing not to do that this year. I know how crappy 2013 was I don’t need to remember it. What I have noticed tho is how anti social I feel lately. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking why I am feeling this way. I don’t know ANYONE personally going thru the same thing, or something similar even,  PC and I are going thru. This makes every single interaction with family/friends filled with anxiety! Soooo, how to proceed? How do we enjoy our dink/dinky lives without becoming completely anti-social???

It seems as tho all of my usual struggles have been amplified in the last 2 years, which is when this whole TTC thing started. I’m no doctor but I know there is a connection here. I wish I could say my health only crosses my mind on occasion but that is not the truth. It’s always on my mind. I can’t count how many times I am around others while secretly holding back tears and possibly a hysterical outburst. Which is why I haven’t spent a lot of time with any particular person in the last 6 months or so. My family and friends are completely unaware of this blog! I have told no one but PC (my hubby). Actually I have told a few people I started a blog but gave no more info than that. I even went as far as to create a separate facebook account. I only requested a handful of my “real” friends on the 2nd account and all but one of them accepted without even asking who I was. I think I created this account because I desperately needed a place to express myself. I don’t want everyone in my life looking at me as “that poor girl who can’t have kids”. I do NOT need a pity party from anyone! I have family members that would literally stop breathing without the constant sympathy from others! So sad but not my style. Maybe this 2nd fb account also allows me to keep this “damaged” part of me separate from the “real me”. Maybe that makes me a coward. I’m not sure. I have considered just blurting out what’s been going on with me on my original fb but I am scared of the aftermath. I am a very opinionated person. Shy is not an adjective anyone would use to describe me. However, I share opinions…not feelings, emotions, anger or other’s dirty laundry. So do I combine these two parts of my life once and for all? Maybe it would help me become more social if I felt like everything was already on the table. Nothing to be uncomfortable about right?

I wonder how many other reproductively challenged women out there feel the same. Am I the only one who feels the need to keep this part of my life separate from the rest of my life? I doubt it. My goal this year is to decide whether or not to combine the 2 worlds. Another goal is to fill my life (our lives) with random happiness. Anniversary trip this year, maybe piano lessons, get further into my ebook journey… We will have to see. So I won’t be reflecting on the past year. I will focus on enjoying this one! happy New Year to all.

7 responses to “Anti-social much?

  1. I keep the world separate too. I’ve only let a few people ‘in’ the actual world I live in and I’ve only told one friend that this blog exists. I’ve completely left FB- haven’t been on in 5 months and I shut out many of my friends who are pregnant or have small children. I just stopped responding to them. You are not a lone and you are certainly not a coward. You need to protect yourself from hurt and that’s how I see it. You need to do what is good for you and if that means combining the two worlds or only letting in the people who care, do it. Do whatever is going to give you strength.. for me right now, it’s shutting out the real world and opening up in the blogging world. Thinking about you… all of this is so damn hard.

    • Thank you so much for your encouraging words! Good for you for leaving the fb world!! LOL. I should really do that too. I use it for networking tho for my jewelry business so that will prolly not happen… I feel bad shutting people out. I’ve always been a very outgoing person. It’s hard tho cause ALL of them have kids! All we can do is just keep on keepin’ on… Sending great thoughts your way!

      • Thank you.. it is hard to be anti-social because I’m so not that way either. I just left fb for 1 month (that was the goal) and I haven’t gone back since, but I imagine that’d be hard for you to do if do your jewelry business through there. All of my friends have kids too.. it’s so frustrating because I find it so hard to relate to them. You’re right all we can do is keep on keepin’ on. Thank you for the good thoughts. 🙂

  2. Totally agree with what you’ve both said. I have 2 secret Pinterest boards, one for baby stuff that I’ll hopefully need some day, and infertility stuff. I have to compartmentalize, I can barely hand all of this IF stuff in my own head. I am not ready to allow other people in with their stupid comments, questions, ect. Sometimes it’s just easier that way unfortunately. Facebook is a hard one, I can’t quit it, I’m so addicted and I keep up with far flung friends that way but I’ve started hacking people that piss me off. No mercy ha ha!

    • I’m really glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. (tho I’m sorry you guys are going thru this) Thank you guys for sharing with me! Logically I know it’s very unlikely I am the only woman in the world feeling this way. But like I said before, I do not have any close friends or family going thru this.(or anything even close) I actually have more than 2 LESBIANS friends/family in my life who are pregnant! What??? One night with the opposite sex and they get pregnant? HAHAHA! Anyhow, You guys are great support. I don’t know how to tag people in my replies but you explained it very well infertilegirl!! Have a fantabulous night, both of you!

  3. You are not alone! I keep this infertal side of me from the majority. Only a select few know what is going on and those are the people that will listen to my rant and allow me to move on. Of them, only my husband knows about my blog. Like yourself I can’t handle the pity, it only amplifys my hurt. As far as Facebook goes, i am really quick to “unfollow” people so i don’t have to see their frequent baby posts and rants. It works well for me. Wishing you the best for 2014!

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